When's my turn?

It's so funny how life works at time. There are seasons of abundance and of course, seasons of great lack. My life has a reverse way of working. In times where three different aspects of my life are falling apart, the fourth aspect is thriving. Allow me to enlighten you, if you will.

See, a year ago around this time, I thought I was in love with this guy while I was starting to really like my friend. And then I met someone new over the summer. All the while, my financial, familial, and spiritual life were being tested to a very high level. But my personal life was just amazing! I had options, great options! But not great options for me...unfortunately...

So I ended the year losing two--but even that is not entirely true. I didn't "lose" anyone per say. It's like going out to shop for a particular item in mind but trying on different items. In the end, until you find the item you had in mind originally, you don't buy any of the items you tried on...because you had something specific in mind. That's my case. Great guys--even greater friends (two of them at last; I didn't know the last one well enough for him to be called my friend) but not who I needed to be with. Now all of them are in healthy relationships...

...and I'm choosing to stay single. I'm in a healthy place now. My heart is at rest (it's been on a roller coaster since 2006) and it's content. I'm looking forward to meeting Mr. Right-Now-But-Not-Here-Yet...all in God's timing. I believe this year will end the marathon of putting impossible walls up and allowing the "halo" of his love to bring down the guard.

So yes, life is complicated yet simply beautiful. It's war and peace. It's love and hate. It's blindness and sight, hearing and deafness, intelligence and ignorance...all at the same time. Chaos and order mixing at random intervals...and that's the beauty of it.

My turn will come soon. At what interval? I'm not sure. That's not up to me to figure out though...I just have to keep on being me and improving what I see to what He wants me to be. I can only love because I am loved more than I can love myself because love transcends all and ascends above all because it is all.