Naked heart

It was a gut-wrenching feat. Gut-wrenching. I'm listening to Lauren Hill's 'To Zion' and wondering how to articulate everything that's floating on my mind but simmering in my heart. My naked, raw and burning heart. I wonder how it goes on loving sometimes...

I confronted my brother a second time after discovering he had two credit card accounts fraudulently open in my name. I calmly called (I remember feeling nervous because I hate confrontations in general) and asked him if he was at work and if he was at work to call me back. He said we could talk, even when he was at work (he gets off at 12 am). I told him upfront to stop using the credit cards. He said he's been making payments on both. I checked my credit report a couple of days ago and he has been making payments--on one account. The other one is waaaaayyy past due. I tried explaining that I'll help him pay them off and that I need my credit before medical school begins. He cuts me off and explains that exactly why he's making the payments then hangs up.

I'm left wondering if I came off to soft...too polite...too understanding...too weak. It makes no sense, really, it doesn't. He's the one in the wrong and I'm willing to help clean up the mess he created but instead he's being a little jerk.

I didn't come here to vent, to rant or to condemn. I just came to say that I'm through. I reported one account as being fraudulently opened. There's no way (unless God steps through) that I'll pay off everything and save enough money for a car and start school. Seems like I'll defer after all...

...hence my naked heart. Stripped of caring, of red tears, of sense and purpose. Betrayal is hard enough...but betrayal by family...it's gut-wrenching--beyond difficult.

it was dancing near the fire
in another vision
it was captivated by the fire
staring with wet eyes
at the warmth of the flames
on tired, cut feet
it crept towards the flames
reaching out and burning away
the last of her clothing
my heart naked and torn
no longer made of flesh
life and blood
it's now an empty echo
bouncing of walls of disinterest