In the quiet

I've been silent.

I've been still.

I've allowed myself to feel: in hurting, in crying, in smiling, in laughing and breathing.

There are those still moments.

where everything calms down long enough
for me to notice that it still hurts
and time hasn't healed me yet
where i sit and think and know
that no, it's not over
it's not over because
i'm still here and my heart
breaks still

it's not over

in being silent
in being still
maybe if i danced more
allowed myself to sigh and let it all out again
and know that no, once isn't enough

you know what makes it harder?
revisiting a wound still fresh
i hurt for the me then
i was so broken
still mending
breaking and mending

only He holds me together
because where i have ceased speaking
He hears
because only He understands why sometimes
in those still
quiet
unheard moments
the only voice heard

is the strong beating of my heart
beating, breaking, mending

A heart He made and knows all too well.

I have hope
because one day
It won't hurt anymore
I won't hurt anymore---not from this at least