My Valley of Baka

Baka. What exactly does it mean? Weeping. Tears. Valley of Weeping. Here's my reference:

⁵ Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
whose hearts are set on pilgrimage.
⁶ As they pass through the Valley of Baka,
they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools.^[d]
7 They go from strength to strength,
till each appears before God in Zion. (Psalms 84:5-7 NIV)


So it's a pilgramage...a journey through. I'm not meant to set up tent and live there nor am I to die there. It's a place of stripping, of pain, of devastation and of refining. Where I am to go from "strength to strength" until I appear before "God in Zion". I'm sure at some point in your life you've had something terrible happen. And during the time, hope seemed so far away and depending on where you were with God, you might have questioned Him. Why did He allow this to happen. How did He allow this to happen. Where is He now. What do you do next. Questions that seem to fall on empty, deaf ears...

Well, here's my story:

Every year, senior medical students find out on a specific day in mid-March 1) if they've gotten a job in their choice specialty and 2) where they have found that job (a couple of days later). To match (have a job) is one of the most exhilirating and looked-forward to moments in a medical student's life. You find out that after the many, many hours of grueling studying, hard work, tears, sleepless nights that it's paid off. You have a job! And it's what you've always wanted to do. Well, this past Monday, I found out that I didn't have a job...at any of the places I interviewed at. No job. My heart dropped. My brain turned to mush. Immediately I could feel hot tears well in my eyes. How could this happen? God, do see what just happened here? What am I going to do? I don't have a job! By far, this was the worst day of 2013. The worst. It's been a difficult trail, with little support from faculty in the field I want to go into...difficult all around and for this to happen? I was/am embarrassed, devastated, hurt and dejected.

What inkling of hope that was left is now gone. Day 2 after the fateful "you-have-no-job" email, I still haven't gotten any job offers. With over 200K debt, it all looks bleak. Everyone has been supportive. Everyone. Even the floor I laid on for a good amount of time silently crying on. I am not mad at God. I know He is God and He remains on His throne forever. I don't know why this had to happen this way. I don't know what the plan is. I don't know anything. I just know that He loves me, has a plan and will take care of me. I haven't gotten angry...I've been through too much with Him to know better. But it does hurt. The pain is unbearable at times. This valley of tears is crappy to say the least.

But God. I know who my Father is. I know what His Word says

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28 NIV)

I've done all I can. It's up to Him. It's always been up to Him. This Valley of Baka is part of my journey with Christ. It's a pilgrimage that I will complete. And although my circumstances may not change the way I want them to, I know who holds my future in His hands. In the meantime, I will praise God because of who He is and who He's always been in my life.