Dear Mom

 Dear Mom,

As the days go on, and the holiday season is upon us, I’m still lost over your death. It’s still unreal. It still breaks my heart. I wish you were here. We all do but I’m going to be selfish and say I miss you the most. I wish we had more time together. I’m sorry for the ways I hurt you…the ways I knew and didn’t know. Christmas is going to be hard. My first birthday without you is going to be hard. Some days I wake up and think it’s all a bad dream…but like Covid that’s not going anywhere (le sigh), you’re still gone. It’s been over 3 months since you’ve been gone. Some days I’m ok, and other days, like Sundays, I’m in shambles. No one has and no one ever will love me like you loved me. I’m just realizing as much as other people talked my weight…you never brought it up. Ever. Maybe you were happy with me just being alive and healthy. How you married someone like dad…I’ll never understand. Y’all were complete opposites. My therapist told me to start writing you letters…so here I am. I know you’re good and happy and loved. As much as I want you here, I know where you are is much better for you. I can’t wait to see you again. I’ll do my best to make you proud with the time I have left here on earth.

I love you. 

Fafoune