Happiness

 I am responsible for my own happiness.

Simple and straightforward. The last 3 weeks have been a rollercoaster. B died on 11/19/2020. I found out 2 days later when I was in my office at work after I finished rounding in the ICU. I didn't hold my tears back because it happened. The worse happened. B died after a long battle with cancer. This time around, when I lost a loved one, I let myself grieve. I cried when I needed to. And let myself breathe. I spent Thanksgiving alone because that's what I needed.

I am grateful that B allowed me to be part of his going funeral services; it was touching ceremony. I cried throughout. I know he's in a better place. He's not hurting or in pain anymore.

The weeks following his passing have been hard. Therapy has been challenging as I try to navigate what it means for me as a woman and as a leader. I also got some bad news in re: my health and have decided to move forward and take care of health physically too.

Yesterday, I had an epiphany which occurred because I was open to receive the message: I am responsible for my own happiness. Now, things have not magically gone from ok to perfect. I am navigating through what that means for me, what my boundaries are, and how I move forward with that knowledge. This revelation certainly made my extra long day at work less bothersome and less tiresome in some ways. I didn't get home until past 9pm but it was all good. 

The few weeks remaining in 2020 will be interesting. I am working on taking care of me going forward. Like taking the time out to focus on what my needs are, what the setbacks are, issues that I've been dealing with and how to rectify and leave the past behind. Learn the lessons and let. it. go.

I am indeed responsible for my own happiness. Moving forward with healing.