Subtle changes

Time has a funny way of just passing away. When you're having fun. When you're with family you haven't seen in a while. When you're happy. When things are going right.

And ticks by so slowly when things go wrong. When you're sad. When you're surrounded by one catastrophe after another.

That was my life. Both then and now. A year ago this time, I was piecing myself together, attempting to move on with my life. It worked. I moved on, tried new things, met new people and was able to find a me I never thought existed. I was falling in love with God, with myself all over. It was like being reborn. And with God, being reborn required a stripping of everything that was in the way, to get to the root of the problem.

The root of the problem. What 25-year history it had.

But I did find it. 

I didn't love myself. At least not enough to wait for what I deserved. That lead to a series of bad decisions...but that's over now...right?

I don't know when it began, not sure of where it started, or if the process is continuing but in the midst of all of this, some part of me changed. Maybe the cut was so deep that it muted the healing process--I'm here today and I know I've changed. I'm not bitter. Not cynical. Not angry. Not desperate. Not seeing the glass half-empty.

I'm happier, at peace with who He's made me, hopeful---but I've changed. Some part of me when to sleep. My heart has been put to a slumber. And it's going to take my Adam to wake me up.

I can't seem to shake that one truth off, that I'm not as naive as I was a year ago. 

These subtle changes that take me by surprise.

Time really does heal. I just never realized in healing, I would change.