Year 2 of mom's passing is coming up. The last few days have been hard. I'm irritable, sad, hopeless and angry. Angry being the predominant feeling. Apathy is not too far away. At this point, I don't really know who to be more upset with: mom or God. It also doesn't matter which one because it won't change a damn thing. Nothing will change. I always end up right where I started: she's gone. So at this moment, in the darkness and pit of my anger and grief, I just don't care much about anything else...not about freezing my eggs, or buying a house, or meeting someone or anything...life meant something when mom was alive. Now...life is time passing by.
My reason for wanting her back are selfish. I'm allowed that every now and then.
I do want to scream, and set the world on fire, break every single fucking glass in sight and then find respite on the beach...alone.
The one person in the world I knew loved me died almost two years ago...the one person who's love kept me going. And now here we are. Me, a fucking mess...yay.
so yea. i'll sit in the dark for a bit. suits the color of my spirit right now.
