To be brave

to be brave 

to be vulnerable

to be strong

what the f*ck is that supposed to mean?

i live in a space where lumps form in my throat

and i tell myself keep it in

"this isn't the right place or time to cry"

the sun's warmth is non-existent

a throbbing pain in my chest is the norm

living is really dying, every day

two realities exist, a genuine smile

and a permanent brokenness

dark and light co-existing in a way i didn't think possible

a place where God/Yahweh/Love Divine exists too, i'm learning

it's still a sh*t place

it's no where anyone chooses to be

but here we are

here i am

time 

the only part of this that never stops

time dulls the pain

but nothing takes the pain away

what is grief?

love. love that perseveres. 

it’s what reminds me every day:

the depth of my grief is the depth of my love

for her

oh, to be brave