Time.
Time flies by sooo quickly. Only yesterday that the year started and now
there's merely 6 measly days left in the year. And oh, it's Christmas.
So yes, Merry Christmas! The day was pretty much uneventful. Shared
presents and then stayed home with my family, watch mom cook and I made a
cake. Later on we had my aunt and cousin and her husband come over for
dinner...it was less than typical Christmas but my only wish every year
is that I have a good time with family...and that's exactly what
happened this year.
But
onto the juicy parts of this year...so much has happened! From the
relationships that ended and those that began, to taking my boards and
starting my clinical rotations...it seems like it's been 2 years really.
Growing wiser, finding peace within myself and more importantly, with
God. Remembering the most difficult moments of this year have made me
appreciate them as the most instructive. I started this year in a
complex place in regards to whom my heart belonged to. It certainly
didn't feel like it belonged to me. My mind was consumed with
relationships that should've never began. But sooner than later, they
all disintegrated, one by one...and by the end of the year, they all
ended. And I can honestly say there's no residual feelings of hatred,
bitterness, anger, longing, regret, or wonder even. I didn't know how
much potential I had within myself until everything was forced to end.
The truth of one relationship was revealed early on, the other--distance
killed it and the last one, well, I learned the hard way that it was a
farce. I was stubborn--am stubborn--and some things, unfortunately will
be learned in the most difficult of ways. That's the Haitian in me I
guess.
In
the midst of this year, looking back and realizing that all this change
that has occurred...really has happened inside me. I've sat myself more
times this year out of necessity---out of a cry within myself--that
enough is enough. I got tired of settling for less than, not standing up
for my needs and being strung along. I've learned how utterly selfish
and deceptive the human heart can be...and I've also learned how time
and forgiveness can transform even the most deepest hurts into memories
of the past.
2011
have been a tough year; I've sacrificed much to learn the lessons and
through the fire, I've been refined. I'm finally content. Content with
myself, where I am in life, what I'm doing and most importantly, who God
has called me to be. There are still some kinks to work out (there will
always be) but I'm finally free. Free from being stuck in a mess that I
don't how it started and what will happen when it ends. Free from all
of the bulls**t. And yes, I'm looking forward to better things...things I
know I deserve.
Because
I'm great woman. Still in the making, but great nonetheless. Not at all
said in conceit or arrogance. See? This is what this thing called
reflection does: brings me closer to seeing myself as God sees me. And
that's the very thing that kept me going this year.
Finally seeing a glimpse of me in His eyes.
